Cyprian, an early church father, pastored during a period known for the “lapsed controversy.” During the rule of Rome’s emperor, Decius, many Christians renounced their faith under threat of persecution or death. When peace returned, these believers sought to be readmitted to the church—which was deeply divided on how to respond.

A different issue has many modern pastors wondering how to respond: how to minister and guide families who are incredibly busy—and often absent from church—due to youth sports. Though Cyprian wouldn’t have understood our relationship between sports and the church, I believe his pastoral approach offers valuable insights for how we shepherd families navigating the world of youth athletics today.

Strive toward the goal

When confronted with two extremes regarding how to deal with the lapsed church members—either excommunication or not holding them accountable at all—Cyprian considered telos, a Greek word that means goal or purpose. The purpose of the church’s pastor is to care for the flock (1 Peter 5:2–3). Cyprian wanted the lost sheep to return—not cheaply, but authentically. He also wanted the church to welcome them back.

Challenge your families to think about telos. Many parents, including those with children in sports, have never thought about what the goal of such an overcommitted life is or whether it’s good or bad. This busy stage of life may be a great opportunity to pastor them toward God’s goal.

Know your players

How did Cyprian resist both extremes? He emphasized discernment regarding the lapsed church members on a case-by-case basis. In our modern context, some absences from church may stem from family pressure, lack of spiritual maturity, or cultural expectations. A wise pastor discerns individual motives and applies compassion while maintaining truth.

Many parents have been deceived by the promise of a scholarship that coaches promise to young athletes who are fully dedicated. Others just enjoy the thrill of watching their child—it truly is a joy. Regardless, it is our job as pastors to guide them. We should insist that absence from church is not good for them, but at the same time, not lash out at them from the pulpit.

Emphasize teamwork and unity

Cyprian understood the church is a visible and unified body. He taught reconciliation not just for individuals, but for the health of the whole community. He believed that when true Christians are apart from the church, it hurts both them and the church. “Think not that you are thus maintaining the gospel of Christ when you separate yourselves from the flock of Christ,” he once said. He strove for unity by bringing back those who were absent and by softening those who opposed their return.

If you have a hard heart toward those missing from your church, pray for them. If you don’t see anything wrong with long sports absences, think about the unity of Christ’s church and the sheep for which He died.

Practice gentle correction

Like Cyprian, a pastor must remind absent members of the importance of worship and fellowship with their local church. The lessons learned in sports are valuable, but the local church is God’s Plan A. There is no substitute. Roll up your sleeves and do the hard work of shepherding your individual members. Be patient with them, but be firm.

Cyprian’s world and ours are very different, but his pastoral heart remains a model worth following. He led with conviction, compassion, and clarity—holding fast to truth while never giving up on those who strayed.

In a culture where Sunday games compete with Sunday worship, pastors must do the same.

Editor’s note: This column was written by a member of the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention’s Shepherds Collective. For more information, visit sbtexas.com/networks/shepherds-collective.

We live in a day when the busyness of families and the many facets of the culture enticing the hearts and souls of our kids is off the charts. In the last three churches I have served, we found that one of the best tools to combat these challenges is to train Christian parents to celebrate the spiritual and physical milestones of their children.

This conviction is founded with the truth of the Shema in Deuteronomy 6:4-7: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Marking notable milestones provides a tangible rubric parents can grasp for easy wins on their journey toward Christ and as they lead their families. May I humbly suggest two milestones that have been a blessing for my wife and me as God continues to guide us to raise three teenagers to love God with their all?

Write a blessing letter

Becoming a teenager is a unique adventure. In our home, we chose to celebrate rather than lament. Prior to our daughters’ 13th birthdays, I prayed, sought Scripture to reference, and collected my thoughts in writing to communicate the love, admiration, and pride we experienced by observing our two girls who were quickly transitioning into godly women. My wife took the opportunity to do the same for our son when he was 12. The result of this affirmation was palpable confidence for our children to forge ahead in their individual faith journeys—so much so that they have these letters framed and in prominent places in each of their bedrooms.

Plan a pre-rite of passage weekend

Our desire is to launch our children into adulthood before they leave our home. In this way, they have time to practice making decisions on their own while still having the security of their parents if they fall flat on their faces. As this time drew near, my wife and I realized we failed to adequately communicate to our now 17-year-old the full measuring stick for forming a biblical worldview, obeying the mission, and maturing in the faith on which we were basing our decision to launch her. By God’s grace, we course-corrected and planned a father/daughter weekend where we could outline these categories, grow in heart connection, and make lasting memories. Upon our return, my wife and I have intentionally sought opportunities to reinforce these Scriptures and themes to our oldest with truth and grace. Our two younger children eagerly look forward to this special time.

For churches, ministries, pastors, and lay leaders who already practice a milestone strategy, my hope is that these suggestions will be a fruitful addition as you continue in faithful ministry. Those who are considering this conversation for the first time might experience a wave of intimidation and fret over all that needs to change. Relax and take it one step at a time.

Remember that every intentional faith talk or milestone celebration is better than not doing anything. It has been said, “While the best step is to start from the beginning, the next best step is to start today.” May God pour out His grace and blessing on you as you seek to equip and/or create a Christ-centered home.